let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
