uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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