I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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