that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
