I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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