A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
