she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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