You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
