Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
