Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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