I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My pussy is not your playground.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
