Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
