I cockslap morals
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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