my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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