My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
