I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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