After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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