I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I look better un-naked...
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
