she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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