"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need a beard to bite.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
