What did we do last night that was yellow?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
