I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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