I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
