But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
