Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
