I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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