my shit smells like andre
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
