Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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