They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
