I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
