ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
