u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
