We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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