Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
