I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
