Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
