another moral hangover. fuck.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
