I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
