her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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