belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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