The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
