Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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