I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
