I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
