So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
