Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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