As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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