you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
