I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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