Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
