im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
