i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
