Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
