Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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