i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
this hospital has no fireball
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
